Moving Forward

It's been two months since Hyrum was born. He'd be two months old today. I still wouldn't be taking him to church yet. 

A friend told us after he died that, "you never 'move on', but you have to move forward." 

We've been moving forward fairly well I think. We carry him in our hearts wherever we go, whether the people around us recognize it or not. Our lives have been dramatically changed since Hyrum has been a part of us. 

I've been trying to continue to take pictures and put my thoughts down. It's so crazy that not too far back on my camera roll, there he is!

This time has been so bittersweet, and I really can see time just always being bittersweet until I see Hyrum's sweet face again. 

Here's what we've been up to and how we've been coping and celebrating:

For the first month, we visited Hyrum every day. This is a blurry picture I took out the window as we were driving to the cemetery. The moon was rising as the sun was setting. 

Favorite place, favorite people! 👊

This is what we did for his one month birthday...

I took this picture of the kids during General Conference. I couldn't get myself to post it at that point because it's missing Hyrum. Conference was amazing, uplifting and much needed though and we're moving forward...

Mike's parents hooked us up with a sweet opportunity to come visit them in Moab. I kept second guessing whether or not I was up for a trip, but it ended up being just what the Dr. ordered! 

Mike's sister Emily and her family met us there and it was so good to be in such good company!

As we drove away to come home, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for family ties! We are truly, truly blessed!

We've been trying to stay active since coming home. It's finally starting to warm up so we took a hike. Long story short, Sawyer's pants got soaked and wouldn't stay on. Also, our forest is burned up. 

Sawyer finally had his follow up with Dr. Belthur. He's doing great! Which he proved by walking in and out of PCH!

I've been enjoying some sweet moments with my bugs! I'm trying to savor them!

This was a rough day...I'm SO glad Saw needed me that day!

Remi got curls for the first time! 

Mike's started to read the kids Harry Potter!!

Grant and his friend (technically cousin, somewhere down the line!) Holden have been playing together a lot lately. I found them in Grant's room praying because they needed help finding a toy. 

Sometimes at night I look for the perfect quote and save it to my camera roll. I still haven't found the perfect one yet, but this one spoke to me as I'm looking through my pictures now. 

So a lot of times in the past, I would get an urge or idea and then decide it wouldn't work out or wasn't worth the effort to make it happen. Hyrum has taught me that those discouraging feelings are not true, and they're not the way I'm destined to be. I can do hard things. And the reward for doing hard things or even uncomfortable things is phenomenal. 

Anyway, this particular day, it wasn't anything epic, but I got an urge to take the kids swimming. Then "reality" set in...we don't have time, we don't have money, Sawyer's napping, Mike has homework, I don't wanna drive all the way to Show Low...

Then I remembered what I've learned. So we went. And it was so fun! A great family day! 

Oh yes. Also, I bashed a hole in our van window when I backed into a mailbox. I couldn't tell the story to anyone without laughing! The insurance fixed it, so it ended okay, except it rained before it got fixed and now it smells like mildew. 

Mike had a birthday! The kids were so excited to decorate and see him run through the streamers we made for him!

He did a bunch of work in the yard before he came inside so they were waiting like that for a while! Haha!

Mike took the boys on a Father's and Sons camp out and I got to spend the day with Remster! Few things top a day with that lady! Especially when I got to sleep in and snuggle with her the next morning!

Mother's Day started out rough but didn't end that way. I worked a really tough night shift Sat. night, was SAVED by the day shift that came on, went to see my little man on the way home, cried and felt sorry for myself a little, then heard his song on my way home and remembered his plan and was filled with gratitude for Hyrum and everyone else who's helped me along. Had a great day at church, talked to my friend Bonnie about our earthly babies and angel babies, had dinner with Mike's family and went to bed with the kids and Mike closeby. 

For a while now, I've had this idea to make each kid a "star" for each day of the week. But it required effort and structure so I never did it. 

But now I know I can do things that require effort, so we're trying it out. 

Monday was Grant's day. After they cleaned up, he chose to go to Dairy Queen. We ate outside and after seeing our neighbor Sam drive by, they waved at ALL cars driving by (I'm not the best photographer, but that's what you're seeing here). 

Remi's day was Tuesday and she chose to go swimming again. She's a sweet girl and invited Grant's friend Holden to come along!

Wednesday was Saw's day. I thought he'd probably want to spend the day outside, but he was just happy it was Mike's day off!

Coincidentally, on his two-month birthday, today is Hyrum's day. 

I hope we can do something today to make him proud. I still don't know what yet, but I think it's going to be a good day!